Metaphorical musings: Dissociation.

My body is a boat sailing towards a harbour when suddenly a storm swells up and crashes up against the hull, and the boat spins and nobody can hear it groan above the thunder, and the rain, and the swells of the busy sea. Sometimes the storm ends and the boat comes to rest in… Continue reading Metaphorical musings: Dissociation.


Quick thought: Anxiety, Nihilism, and Faith.

I am basically almost constantly caught between a Heidegger-type, death-drive-induced anxiety to live life to its fullest, and full on nietzschean nihilism. Relieved now and again by belief in God which provides some waves of meaning which do not rely on human logic but on this thing called faith. Faith for me isn't about religion… Continue reading Quick thought: Anxiety, Nihilism, and Faith.

Executive Function Primer (Part 1)

All of this! Clicking through this four part series is a very good description of executive functioning difficulties.

Musings of an Aspie

I’ve written a lot about executive function, but I realized recently that I don’t have a post that explains what EF is. I set to write one post and 4000 words later, I have a short series. This is part one. The three remaining parts will be posted over the next two weeks.

So what the heck is executive function, anyhow?

Executive function is a broad term that refers to the cognitive processes that help us regulate,  control and manage our thoughts and actions. It includes planning, working memory, attention, problem solving, verbal reasoning, inhibition, cognitive flexibility, initiation of actions and monitoring of actions.

That’s a nice concise definition, in theory, but what does EF look like in real life?

In practice, executive function is a slippery concept. Sometimes it looks like responsibility. Sometimes it looks like self-discipline. Sometimes it looks like being a competent adult.

If you have poor EF…

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“Do I have problems with communication or do we just have a ‘language barrier’?”

Autism is supposedly characterised by a marked difficulty in reciprocal social communication. I have realised recently, however, through talking online with other people who are on the autistic spectrum that among ourselves we have little problem communicating. And this got me thinking, and it also got me observing autistic and non-autistic interpretations and reactions. Last… Continue reading “Do I have problems with communication or do we just have a ‘language barrier’?”

Lent — 15 min Poem — Day Seventeen

Last night I dreamed you put your arms around my waist You pulled me in with no conditions, you loved me with no test, You slipped your hand down and you touched me bluntly More like talking than sex. Your words tugging me gently There was no romance, no uncertainty, no 'pretty' lies, Just fucking,… Continue reading Lent — 15 min Poem — Day Seventeen

“Shutdown” — what it is and what it isn’t.

When I shut down, it is like I am becoming ill with the flu. I feel achy, extremely tired, I need to be in a quiet dark room immediately, my executive functioning stops, my body becomes frozen/very still, and communication becomes difficult or non-existent. If this happens when I am out of the house (which… Continue reading “Shutdown” — what it is and what it isn’t.