My body is a boat sailing towards a harbour when suddenly a storm swells up and crashes up against the hull, and the boat spins and nobody can hear it groan above the thunder, and the rain, and the swells of the busy sea. Sometimes the storm ends and the boat comes to rest in… Continue reading Metaphorical musings: Dissociation.
I am basically almost constantly caught between a Heidegger-type, death-drive-induced anxiety to live life to its fullest, and full on nietzschean nihilism. Relieved now and again by belief in God which provides some waves of meaning which do not rely on human logic but on this thing called faith. Faith for me isn't about religion… Continue reading Quick thought: Anxiety, Nihilism, and Faith.
All of this! Clicking through this four part series is a very good description of executive functioning difficulties.
I’ve written a lot about executive function, but I realized recently that I don’t have a post that explains what EF is. I set to write one post and 4000 words later, I have a short series. This is part one. The three remaining parts will be posted over the next two weeks.
So what the heck is executive function, anyhow?
Executive function is a broad term that refers to the cognitive processes that help us regulate, control and manage our thoughts and actions. It includes planning, working memory, attention, problem solving, verbal reasoning, inhibition, cognitive flexibility, initiation of actions and monitoring of actions.
That’s a nice concise definition, in theory, but what does EF look like in real life?
In practice, executive function is a slippery concept. Sometimes it looks like responsibility. Sometimes it looks like self-discipline. Sometimes it looks like being a competent adult.
If you have poor EF…
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monday is the colour of concrete telephone lines tensely moving with the steady stream of internet job-searching, house-hunting, dreaming his furry tummy is moving slowly his whiskers are twitching with sleep my feet are chilled meat, my hands all bone, but my heart is warmed by his breath which atones my disconnected body, my… Continue reading Poem: Monday Daydreams.
Autism is supposedly characterised by a marked difficulty in reciprocal social communication. I have realised recently, however, through talking online with other people who are on the autistic spectrum that among ourselves we have little problem communicating. And this got me thinking, and it also got me observing autistic and non-autistic interpretations and reactions. Last… Continue reading “Do I have problems with communication or do we just have a ‘language barrier’?”
To know when and how to speak Is the single most difficult thing I can think of How to shape a multi-layered Process of realisation into Distinct and succinct words and Then let them leave my mouth Without collapsing I wish I had a formula I wish I knew how to stop my voice From… Continue reading Lent — 15 min Poem — Day Eighteen
Last night I dreamed you put your arms around my waist You pulled me in with no conditions, you loved me with no test, You slipped your hand down and you touched me bluntly More like talking than sex. Your words tugging me gently There was no romance, no uncertainty, no 'pretty' lies, Just fucking,… Continue reading Lent — 15 min Poem — Day Seventeen
When describing to a stranger Who I am and what I like It is hard to tell where to start -- How does one explain a life? Which detail is important Is it this, or is it that? I usually start with saying Here's my name, and here's my cat's Do I tell them I… Continue reading Lent — 15 min Poem — Day Fifteen
When I shut down, it is like I am becoming ill with the flu. I feel achy, extremely tired, I need to be in a quiet dark room immediately, my executive functioning stops, my body becomes frozen/very still, and communication becomes difficult or non-existent. If this happens when I am out of the house (which… Continue reading “Shutdown” — what it is and what it isn’t.
I speak in circles, but you hear in triangles (and speak in them too). We need a translator. Most of the world speaks in triangles, and I keep on throwing out these circles only to find that in triangle talk I am swearing. Today I am mute. Why bother trying, when all of my carefully… Continue reading Lent — 15 min Poem — Day Fourteen